Last week I found out my husbands big deployment sendoff is going to be here on Camp Pendleton, and not down in San Diego like I thought it would be. In trying to decide whether or not I was going to take all of the kids to my husbands sendoff, this slightly alters my decision.
Imagine for a second that your husband is leaving you for 7 to 10 months. That’s hard enough in itself to swallow. I look for the positives, like all the things I’m going to enjoy doing while my guy is gone, but the truth in the matter is that I’m going to miss my husband. A lot. Sometimes the thought of him being gone for 10 months completely suffocates me. No joke. And then I break out into these massive panicky sobs, which of course makes the whole suffocating thing that much better. But what do us mommas do? We step into our big girl panties, pull ‘em up tight, slap a smile on our face and stay strong for our kiddos, and really for ourselves. We don’t want anyone to see the crumbly mess we can be at times, and especially our children. I know for mine, and more so my 5 year old who is a complete daddy’s boy, it’s hard enough knowing that daddy is going away. He’s missed him, cried, and begged for him to come back and my husband was only away on pre-deployment exercises. Me? I was strong mommy. Sure, there was one night when my son and I both sat at the kitchen table and cried our eyes out together, but overall I hold it together and reassure my son with constant positive affirmations.
So getting back to my point. Knowing how hard this is going to be on my son, do I really want to take him to my husbands sendoff? DevilPup is incredibly empathetic, so he is going to instantly absorb the emotion that is all around. On the flip side of that, I’m not sure he’s going to fully understand the magnitude of a deployment unless he is there to witness the sendoff and watch all of these Marines, along with our own, have to say goodbye to and walk away from their families. Although, when I originally thought this I thought we’d be saying goodbye at the ships. I’m not sure saying goodbye here on base and watching them load up on buses, that will be taking them to the ships, quite conveys exactly what I had in mind when using the sendoff to help my son grasp the enormity of deployment. Then again, I was scared that this might be a bit too traumatic for my son and was leaning more towards doing a simple and more intimate goodbye at home, and just me going to see my husband off.
This has all changed though. I’m wondering if maybe now that the sendoff is here on base it won’t be quite so traumatic for my son. My girls I know will be sad, but at the age of 2 they seem to easily bounce back and not dwell on missing daddy as much as their older brother. Maybe if we all went as a family we’d be able to be strong for each other, because my girls are actually quite fantastic at being comedic relief in almost any situation.
I hate leaving my posts so open ended, but I’m afraid in this one I don’t actually have a definite answer to my dilemma just yet.
What would you do? (would love to hear the answers from anyone whether military momma/family or civilian)
This makes me so grateful that we don’t have kids right now! I know for me (even without kids!) I get that panicky feeling and never do the big send offs- like all the wives usually get together somewhere you can watch the ship pass by as it sails off. FORGET THAT! I drop him off at the ship bright and early, have our private see you laters and then I cry all the way home.
The last time I said goodbye at the buses and it was HORRIFIC! Three people were running late so we had to just stand there, but we couldn’t go back over to the buses and vans to talk to our husbands/friends/parents. It was heartbreaking.
I wish I knew something to tell you that was better than this: you know your kids and you will make the best decision you can, and that will have to be that. It could be horrific either way, or absolutely awesome- and you won’t know which until you are there. I am sending you HUGE virtual hugs right now and will be not too far away if you EVER need anything!
Thank you. I really appreciate that!
Hi My Laura. My heart goes out to you and if only Dad and I could be there with all of you at this time, it would be easier on all of us. You are always in our prayers.
Love and Hugs, Mom
Thank you.
It’ll have it’s ups and downs, but I’m thinking once we get over the initial hump of him leaving we’ll get into a routine and be ‘OK’.
love ya back
Wow! I just read your post and I think our husbands are with the same unit….15th MEU, maybe? My daughter is older and now she has the opportunity to drop him off and pick him up. She and her dad are very close and she was so excited to meet him after their last training exercise, proudly driving the car and helping him carry his bags to the trunk. She sent me the sweetest text message, all it said was “I GOT HIM, YAY!!” This deployment is a long one, so we will both be there for departure and arrival. I agree that the bus send off is less traumatic then sending off at the port.
Yes, 15th MEU.
I love that your daughter went to pick him up!
I would go…. There is something about looking around at the other families and knowing I’m not alone that would bring me comfort. Plus, I know for my boys seeing their daddy actually leave would help them to understand he won’t be home for dinner for a long time.
I have never had that choice. Most of the time my husband is up and gone before we are ever up in the morning. That used to be really hard on the boys when they were toddlers/preschoolers because they just didn’t understand.
I’m sure you will figure out which is the best choice for your family. Sending you good vibes and hugs.
Thank you!!
I think I would go. Like you said it might be good for your son to see that it is a big deal. I have a 5 year old too, and I guess my thought is that if he went he would see that it is a big deal. He’d see that Daddy is leaving, and for us it would be easier for him to understand that he’s gone for a long time because I could reference to the event of him leaving. For us I think if we said our goodbyes at home it might just feel like him leaving for work, or just a short training event. I would say go, and if it really starts to be bad for him you could always just go home.
My husband always deployed from Miramar, but we lived there so we always went because I just couldn’t imagine NOT going. My little guy was little though. During the second one I was six months pregnant when he left, and during the 3rd deployment he was only 2 so he didn’t really understand.
You are right, in that I could always leave early if it gets too crazy.
Something to think about…
I wish I could answer that for you. The only thing I want to do right now is hug all of you.
Thank you! Hugs are always welcome.